also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
