dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
