My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
