I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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