her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
