Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
