i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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