i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
