Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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