what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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