I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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