I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
