His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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