you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
