Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
