dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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