we have pet lesbian snakes
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
