I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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