I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
