I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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