Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
