Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
