i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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