the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize