And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
