Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
