If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
