oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
