When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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