i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
