I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize