the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
