i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
