You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
