Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
