Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
