Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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