we're blogging at a bar
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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