I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
