Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
