My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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