Please, let me fuck your mom
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
