Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize