Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i out mim tonsoeep
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
