drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Say something about gay babies.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
