He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't turn off my feet"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
