I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize