hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
