hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
