Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
