Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
