Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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