matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
