i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
