i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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