My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
