It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
