Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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