arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Text me some of your sweat
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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