OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
