It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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