Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
