this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize