I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
