Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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