also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
