if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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