So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i drank out of a bidet.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize