Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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