Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
