Do you still have your period?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
